


Old Habits

by capildissexy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5204912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capildissexy/pseuds/capildissexy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: The Doctor is dealing with the aftermath of Clara’s death. It's a painful, angsty whouffaldi aftermath. It is Osgood/Osgood if you turn it and look at it a certain way. But it’s a hurt/comfort fic with Osgood and Twelve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Habits

Yet another prompt fic. However, I came at this from a very different angle.

Prompt / A fluffy gen story. Any pairing. Hurt/comfort, cuddlecore preferred. Kindly requesting that the gen h/c be Twelve & Osgood. Unless you get a better idea.

How about Osgood/Osgood fluff then when the two Osgoods start to have romantic feelings for each other and experiment a bit.

Summary: The Doctor is dealing with the aftermath of Clara's death. It is Osgood/Osgood if you turn it and look at it a certain way. But it's a hurt/comfort fic with Osgood.

12

Old Habits

There were many things Bonnie enjoyed about her new human persona: the sense of purpose working for UNIT gave her, the vast knowledge Osgood had tucked away in her delightful mind, the chance to do some good in the world.

And ice cream.

Sure it was a meaningless, but Bonnie knew that small things mattered. Everything and everyone mattered.

And ice cream tasted delicious.

Because she'd duplicated a human, she had all the accompanying benefits and that included taste buds. The differences between the creamy vanilla ice cream and the whipped cream on top of it enthralled her. The wondrous combination of chocolate and peanut butter. How all of the ingredients melded into a bowlful of heaven.

Every night, Osgood and Bonnie curled up on the couch together and had a bowl of ice cream while they watched a movie. Sometimes romantic comedies, sometimes sci-fi movies, anything really.

Bonnie enjoyed Osgood's company. She spent all of her days and nights with the human and it still didn't feel like enough time. They'd moved into the old home which used to belong to Osgood's grandmother and had been willed to Osgood after the woman's death. It was a cozy life, a life with meaning. And she owed this second chance to the Doctor…and Clara.

Tonight, the Osgoods curled on the couch together watching Interstellar with bowlfuls of salted caramel ice cream. Until the squeal of an electric guitar above their heads nearly caused Bonnie to drop her bowl.

The Doctor had arrived in their home a week ago. He'd been gruff and vague about why he was there and for how long exactly. And then he'd taken over the third floor of the house. From what they could tell, he spent most of his time tinkering with his ship and playing guitar. They'd offered him plates of food, but he'd only taken them up on sugary tea and iced cream.

"Oh dear," Osgood said glancing at the ceiling. "He's at it again." The Doctor was currently playing an even more mournful rendition of November Rain. That was after a despondent version of Wild Horses that'd made Bonnie burst into tears.

"Why do you think he's here?" Bonnie asked.

"You know why," Osgood said, raising her brows meaningfully.

"Clara."

UNIT kept tabs on all the Doctor's associates past and present and Clara hadn't been to work in nearly a month. She was officially considered missing. It didn't take a genius to figure out she'd come to an untimely end. According to UNIT's files that sometimes happened to the Doctor's companions.

Osgood nodded. "And I think its past time we did something about it. He's holed up there, getting ready to do God only knows what."

"What do you mean?"

"Does the Doctor seem like someone who'd just let the death of a very good friend go?"

Bonnie had a really bad feeling about this. "No, not so much. What do we do?"

"I think you know."

"No, no way. Basically we've got an ancient, alien, dangerous bear on the third floor and you want me to poke it." Bonnie shook her head.

"Trust me. You've got nothing to fear from the Doctor. Yes, he's a little fiercer, a little impatient this time around, but he'd a good man. Deep down beneath all of the bluster. He's in pain. And you have abilities I don't. You need to be the one to talk to him. You can pull him out of this."

"I'm not good with human emotions," Bonnie protested. And that was true. They were baffling…overwhelming at times. Osgood herself had talked her through the feelings, helped Bonnie sort them out.

"Neither is he. So that should work out." Osgood squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Off you go then."

"What do I say?" Bonnie stood up, placed her bowl on the table, and straightened her bow tie. She'd replicated Osgood's habit of dressing like the Doctor and she had to agree….bowties were cool. But right now it felt like a noose around her neck. The guitar had stopped, but she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign.

"Just speak from the heart."

She had no idea what to say, what to do. What she'd learned about him, came from UNIT's files and Osgood's recollections. The Doctor on paper and in person were two different things entirely.

"Speak from the heart she says…"

Bonnie trudged up the stairs. She hated when human beings said stupid things like that. What did it even mean? Steeling her resolve, she knocked on the door.

No response.

She swung it open to reveal Doctor. He sat cross-legged on the floor, with the guitar on his lap, an expression on his face she couldn't quite place. He might be an ancient all-knowing alien, someone to respect, to emulate. But underneath it all? He was a man. A grief-stricken man and he needed her help.

Even a fool could grasp his emotional state though and her heart went out to him. She'd lost friends, too. Loved ones. It was also obvious that he'd bottled up his feelings, stuck a cork in them. And he was about to explode. Osgood had been right…as per usual.

"Doctor, how did it happen?" she asked gently as she sat opposite him, mirroring his position.

He met her eyes and the pain in them nearly stole her breath. His brow furrowed.

"Clara," Bonnie said. "We figured it out." And her heart twisted a little. She'd been inside Clara's mind. It was an intimate connection. Yes, they'd been on different sides, but the schoolteacher had held her own. She hadn't been afraid, hadn't backed down. Bonnie admired Clara, respected her and the universe was worse off for Clara's absence.

"Yes, Clara." He said her name slowly, as if the word hurt him.

"How?" Bonnie prompted.

"Daleks…in the future, Zygella. Another invasion attempt. Clara…Clara saved me. It's what she does." As he talked, he stroked the guitar, petting it. "Again and again...forever."

"I'm so sorry, Doctor." Bonnie hoped they were the right words…words of comfort. But it felt like such a small thing. "What can I do? Just name it. Anything."

For a long time, he said nothing.

So, Bonnie watched him. Watched and waited. His face changed with the season. The pain receded and then his expression was cool, carefully put together but Osgood could see the machinations behind his eyes. There was a cruel twist to his lips.

"You don't want my help though. What are you going to do, Doctor? What are you planning"

He swiped imaginary lint from his lapel. "Don't call me that. I'm not feeling very…Doctorish right now."

"That's precisely why I should call you the Doctor," she countered. "Now, tell me. What are you going to do?"

"I should think that was obvious, Zygella, especially to you," he said coldly.

"You're going to press the button, aren't you? You want revenge," she whispered.

"Metaphorically speaking, yes." The Doctor stood up and dusted off his trousers, then placed the guitar in a sleek black case he picked up from the floor. "But I don't want revenge. One cruel act in response to another. I wish it were that simple."

"I don't understand." Bonnie cocked her head to the side.

"Revenge would be too easy. I don't want to just kill the Dalek that killed Clara, or even those aboard the ship that took her prisoner. We've gone so far beyond an eye for an eye." His mouth was pinched, tight. And his nostrils flared.

A Time Lord bent on death and destruction. She could feel his fury.

"You want to kill them all," she whispered, standing up, facing him. Bonnie wished she could say she didn't understand that need. But she'd been there before, tasted that anger and rage. And it had almost fueled a war on this planet. At one point, she'd been willing to wipe out all humankind if she could.

Somehow the Doctor had talked her down. Right now, Bonnie had to return the favor.

"Yes."

Bonnie shook her head. "But you can't…"

He chuckled. "Oh, but I can. I meant what I said. I've killed more Daleks than you can imagine. I'm not sure, but I might be the biggest mass murderer in the universe, Zygella. You are standing beside bonafide butcher."

Her blood chilled. No wonder he hadn't taken her threats seriously. What she'd been up to had been child's play in his eyes.

"And I was good at it Bonnie. So very good. I could make the death last for days. You wouldn't believe the screams, the pleas." He smirked. "The information I coaxed out of them…."

Yes, he'd definitely gone off the deep end. In that second, she believed him. The Daleks must've run screaming from him…The Oncoming Storm.

She shook her head. "No, no, you can't do this. This isn't you, Doctor. Not anymore. You help people. You save people." He'd saved her.

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You don't understand, Zygella. Clara isn't the first companion I've lost. There've been so many, all taken from me over the years."

"I've seen the files."

"Then you know when that happens, it's painful. I grieve. I get in my box and I run away from the anguish. I bury it, force myself to see the beauty in the universe. It takes a long time, centuries, but I eventually move on. It heals me somehow. But I can't do that with Clara. She's scattered all over my timeline."

Tears sprang to his eyes once more, wetting them, and she thought that might be a hopeful sign. Maybe she could reach him."You mean Clara's echoes."

"You've done your homework," he said with a nod. "Yes, I mean her echoes." The Doctor paced back and forth in front of the TARDIS, working himself up. "For the rest of my life, I'll run into dozens…hundreds of Claras. All of them will be her, but not quite."

"But you could travel with one of them…"

He bit into the pad of his thumb as he surveyed her. "You do a good impression of humanity, until you make a comment like that. Those echoes are pale imitations. They aren't actually her. They won't have her memories and experiences make us who we are, Zygella. I won't betray the memory of Clara by befriending her echo. It'd cheapen the relationship I had with her."

Bonnie studied him, trying to figure out the missing piece of the puzzle. There was something the Doctor wasn't telling her and she couldn't quite figure it out. Yes, he'd lost a companion, a friend, but his reaction was….visceral. Out of whack.

She closed her eyes and sought Clara's memories. Deep inside, she still carried the memory print. Because they'd once had a connection, Bonnie could summon them at will.

And she watched the Doctor through Clara's eyes.

Saw the way he looked at her. The way he watched her. Love in his eyes.

Oh no…the Doctor had been in love with Clara.

And love is one of the most dangerous emotions in the universe…especially when love is lost by violent means. Curse these tender human emotions. They pushed the air from her lungs, made her feel dizzy. Sick. She didn't want to be in the middle of a doomed love story. The pain of losing someone you wanted to be with forever was nearly unbearable.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to look at him again. "Oh, Doctor…."

The Doctor watched her with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing? What happened?"

"You were in love with Clara," she said softly.

He opened his mouth and she could see a denial forming. Then, he sighed. "How did you know?"

"I still have access to her memories."

He backed away from her then, pressing himself against the TARDIS doors. "I didn't want to know that. Don't tell me that." His hands curled around his face protectively.

And then Bonnie knew exactly what she had to do. Osgood had wanted her to give Clara to the Doctor, one last time. So he could say goodbye. The Doctor needed closure. For once, he couldn't run from it.

Bonnie summoned the body print and morphed into Clara. "Look at me, Doctor."

And the Doctor slid down the length of the door, collapsing in a heap. "No, don't do that! Don't! I can't…" His shoulders shook. Was he crying?

"Doctor," Bonnie said, using Clara's voice. She slowly approached him and then sank to her knees. "It's okay, look at me." She gently pried his hands from his face.

"Clara…" he said hoarsely. His eyes were damp, red-rimmed, and ineffably wretched.

Bonnie searched within, connecting herself to the last vestiges of Clara's being. "You said it yourself. You can't run this time, Doctor. Clara will always be there. So, you've got to deal with it this time. Tell me what you need to say."

"I don't know how."

"You can learn. Tell me."

And then the Doctor stared at her with such a look of love and longing that it stole her breath away. He was seeing his fallen love. "Oh, Clara…"

"What, Doctor?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I let you down." He cupped her face, thumbs moving over her cheeks, stroking her.

Bonnie sifted through the memories. She could see Clara and the Doctor standing on the edge of volcano as Clara chucked keys in the lava. "I've let you down before, too. You did everything you could to save me."

"It wasn't enough," he said miserably. "I wasn't fast enough, clever enough. I should've saved you. I'm sorry. So sorry."

Bonnie sighed, grateful for this chance to pay the Doctor back. She knew exactly what he needed to here. "I forgive you, Doctor. I forgive you." And she knew that Clara would, if she were still here. "What else do you need to tell me? Say it, Doctor. If you don't get it out, it'll kill you."

The Doctor hung his head and Bonnie wrapped her arms around him, hugging him.

"Oh God," he breathed, burying his face in her air, clutching her to his chest. "You even smell like her."

"Tell me, Doctor," she croaked.

"I love you, Clara. Oh, how I love you." He held her so tight, Bonnie feared he might just crack her ribs. "I should've told you every day. I wish I had. At least I could've let you know."

"Doctor…she…I love you, too." She pulled back and placed a hand on either side of his face, looking into his eyes.

His face twisted. "No, don't do that. Don't lie…"

"I'm not lying, Doctor. That's how Clara feels…felt. I can see her memories, emotion is attached to them. Clara loved you. Clara was in love with you."

He bent his head, shoulders drooping as if she'd hit him. And he let out a howl.

Bonnie shuddered. She could feel his agony piercing her own heart.

"Oh, Clara….I should've confessed. At least I'd have something to hold on to…something to warm me. Now, I have nothing. Just the memory of my own cowardice."

"You can have this." Bonnie kissed him, putting all of Clara's longing into it, giving herself to Clara's persona. Letting it take over for a just a moment.

The Doctor kissed her hungrily. His mouth tasted like the sea, slightly salty and unfathomable. She kissed him back, holding him. Loving him. And then he held her, rocking her in his arms, crooning. "Clara, my Clara," he whispered, kissing her forehead, her cheeks, and then once more, softly on the mouth. "Goodbye, Clara, my Clara," he whispered. "Goodbye."

And then he pulled back and shakily got to his feet.

Bonnie did, too. The morass of emotion inside her would take weeks untangle. She'd have to ask Osgood lots of questions. She felt sick inside.

The Doctor refused to look at her. Instead, he focused on the spot just above her head. He had to clear his throat to speak. "Can you do me one more favor, Zygella?"

"Anything, Doctor."

He opened the TARDIS doors and stepped inside. "Never show me Clara again…even if I beg you."

"I won't, Doctor," she whispered.

"Thank you," he said. "For…everything."

"You aren't going to press the button, are you?"

His eyes were clear and bright, his countenance a touch less sad. "Thanks to your truth…there will be no consequences." The door squeaked as it closed.

She sighed. Once again, he was the Doctor….a force of good in the universe.

And then the TARDIS wheezed out of sight.

Bonnie stood there watching the empty space for a long time. "Gotcha."


End file.
